High Contrast Grey.

It appears that by setting my expectations so low for the holidays, that everything positive that happened made it an amazing holiday. It made it even harder as I realized that I’m leaving here again soon though.. I’ve made some really great friends here and really don’t want to lose them.

Christmas ‘07 I still miss that jacket..

The protein drink mix turns the milk green and adds pockets of grit. Its like drinking imitation vanilla sand. Meh. Maybe after drinking this shit for awhile I’ll feel mentally better.. I’m really looking forward to house sitting for Dustin and Natasha. I’m not even sure how to explain the excitement.. I do really miss those two. It was nice living with them, for the most part, as they were like me in the sense that they didn’t want to go out partying all the time, but instead enjoyed simple relaxation, intelligent conversation, and nice dinners from time to time. Of course with art nights thrown in on occasion for good measure. PS. I hate the holidays. Though I did enjoy watching the Always Sunny christmas episode today. For a bizarre unexplainable reason I like seeing mall santas attacked, ie also the Boondocks christmas episode. With the pretty curtains around Dustin and Natasha’s places I should have a few nice backdrops for playing dress up on Christma...

I love these random stairways dispersed throughout the city. Covered in moss and hidden under trees. They have this odd feel of never really being used as nature attempts to take them back, but yet I see people walking up and down hurrying to get to their destination. A means of transportation ignored. I wake up to the sound of the rain pounding upon the roof of the house and look out the window to see the rain streaming down and being highlighted under the streetlamp. Things are left drenched, but none of the fun of walking around in the rain as the sun comes up and the rain stops. It appears that when I get sick that I begin to run low on food.. except for tangerines, so cheap and juicy, and full of vitamin c.

Picture taken this past summer.. I truly let loose in playing my according last night. I was looking for a bit of solitude in my room but Audrey wanted me to interact with her so I started playing my accordion. The sound of it captivates me. Expresses my emotions through random selections of notes, deep and mournful. It left me feeling open and exposed. I think I am going to go by the accordion shop between the U District and Wallingford and see if I can find a book that can teach me how to play. Then again perhaps knowing what I am doing instead of just the random notes will take away the musical connection I share with the instrument, as neither of us understand one another, but yet we can still make noises to comprehend emotion. Personification. I can only hope that the roommate I will be assigned on Missoula won’t complain too much about the accordion. I’m feeling somewhat worrisome about being assigned a roommate on such few criteria. It will all work out, or so I keep t...

I get quite frustrated with this small skeletal structure. Forearms would be nice, at least to have sleeves fit on without billowing. I would also really like all the ‘too skinny’ comments to end. If it is impolite to call fat people fat, why is it alright to demean the skinny? Its not as if I haven’t tried for years to gain weight.

Its been bothering me that my last entry seemed to lack all emotion. Very dry. Listing occurrences, but not feelings. Meh. I was experimenting with making gin and tonics.. so I could blame the intoxication. I called in sick today after I woke up at midnight to coughing and wheezing. I fell asleep a few times after waking up, but only to the point of lying down and dreaming as though they were hallucinations. I got in quite a bit of reading of the Picture of Dorian Gray this morning. I’m not sure why Dorian’s last name is spelling with an a, where as in the book the color grey is spelled with an e. So far the book has been a lot of bourgeois intelligence talk, which is nice, especially in contrast to the conversations I get to be a part of on a daily basis while working. My complaint of the customers not knowing how to phrase a question instead of just demanding something, was perhaps proven and denied at the same time as a lady the other day yelled “question” at me from about t...

“La Vie Est Belle.” The cold of last week has seemed to end, only to be replaced by rain. I’ll take the rain over the cold, but hopefully this won’t lead to snow. Today marks the beginning of the end. I only have a month left in Seattle before I move to Missoula. I was planning to have a night out celebrating with Charlotte, but she was feeling sick so instead I made up some tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. After dinner we went over to her place and watched Repo: The Genetic Opera.

Talking with my mum on the phone these past few weeks has been upsetting. Last time it was depressing me about moving back to cold Montana. This time it was about how when we moved to Montana from Hawaii my childhood happiness seemed to dissipate. I hate these guilt trips. I think its time to play my accordion.

These weekends go by too fast. I’m really not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. Labor on and on in a poorly heated building working with people who barely understand English and snob talking with me. Psh. The one nice thing about having a deadline out of Seattle is knowing that I will be done with this job. I missed it when I left last time, but coming back it lacks so much of the fun that it did before. Having Brenna there to talk with has really been my escape from the stresses, though it always gets cut short since I have to get back to working lest the supervisors see me. It is always nice to have a friend to talk to while enjoying tea at a café. To the power of 2.

Once again we had a hankering for going out to eat, hoping for a bakery, but it didn’t happen. It began with the adventure of driving to GeorgeTown to find the bakery we wanted closed. Wandering through the International District talking of curry. Driving past Beth’s seeing a line stretching down the way. To parking and wandering through Ballard to find a nice small café with a backroom that had a wide assortment of sitting choices. We took the small café table with three chairs looking out the window to an inaccessible gap between buildings. ‘Please do not throw matches or paper here’ Ranted on to Brenna about I’m still not sure why I am going to school and about how I don’t want to go to Missoula. Again someone else to just add, ‘I don’t want you to go.’ This pressure from the folks to go to school is just too stressful. I wish I could find a job that could distance me from their control of me.. Time for a few teacups of gin and tonic and switching it up with some po...

I watched some more Dead Like Me at Brenna’s last night. She had cleaned her room up so we could watch it in there. Already one of her cheap clothing racks broke, so her room was quickly not as clean as she had wanted it, but still cleaner than it was before. Her room has a really nice shape to it (lacking sharp corners), and surprisingly, double pane windows. Nice molding. The bushes outside the window just reach up to block the street and sidewalk below. I think that this could make a nice painting of sorts. Hmm… it will probably get sketched out when I get homesick in a month. In watching episodes of Dead Like Me we both got a craving for diner food. Nasty, sugary, and brightly colored in an over lit booth. We walked over to IHOP (I Heart Old People according to Brenna) on Capitol Hill/First Hill. Formal high school dance kids sat in the back when we arrived, debating on what to get and talking up the waitress into ordering from the kid’s menu. Older man in the boot...

I found some pretty metal labels for Port, Gin, and Vodka at my work the other day (I also hid in a small silver pin of gecko to add to my pin cloth once I get it back from my folks). This of course meant that I needed to get some bottles of such for my closet. (I’m puting off getting the vodka because I don’t really know anything I would like to mix it with without creating a substantial collection of alcohol and mixes.) This is the first time I have had this kind of gin (It comes with a little bowler hat to put on top) and I would have to say that it is fairly good to the cheap forms I have had in the past. I have once again started working on the painting for my parents by inking in some windows in the distant buildings to give dimension to the square buildings. I started this the other night while having a wine and art night with Dustin and Natasha, but realized soon after starting that I had already had too much wine to attempt to ink, so just had the line work penciled ou...

Breakfast at PettiRosso. My little escape from the cold stank of work. Watched a bit of (500) Days of Summer again. Mentally not the best choice. Meh.. Off to watch the new miniseries Alice with Brenna. Maybe we can get a bottle or more of wine with the film. With how cold it is here I’m not really looking forward to Missoula this winter.

Il fait tres froid.

http://assets.tumblr.com/swf/audio_player.swf?audio_file=http://www.tumblr.com/audio_file/274397751/tumblr_kubpaxdxGU1qa6icr&color=FFFFFF I would have to say that this song has reached public domain, being from 1911 and all… I finished reading Nausea by Sartre the other morning and downloaded this song while reading his last passage of sitting in his cafe in Bouville as the waitress, Madeleine, puts on his favorite song. Though I was told this book was rather depressing I didn’t find it to be such, but instead just more of an interesting look at life that I could relate to. Perhaps I lead a depressing life? Meh. I just like to think that I have a much more factual grasp on life and, truth be told, life is not a positive thing, but is instead a rather negative thing that we all struggle through. Cups of tea at the end of the day to make the world right in our minds. From this I have taken that as we view our lives as these dull depressing things without adventures it is ...

I inked the image this weekend and have been working on coloring since I got home from work. I don’t feel too satisfied with it color wise, but I’m not too sure why. I do feel that it needs a border around all of it though. Meh, the interents usually add that. I might continue working on the original though. Turn it into some kitsch for a wall.

Sketched out the logo for Lindsay’s masquerade ball. this morning as Brenna attempted to wake up in 15 minute intervals..

Brenna came over last night to watch more episodes of Dead Like Me. We made ourselves some portabella vegeburgers including some of our special toppings like my very French mustard and Brenna’s love of avocados. Then for watching the episodes of Dead Like Me we finally uncorked the raspberry beer from Belgium that I bought for Natasha’s art show, but lacked a corkscrew to get it open. So sweet and tasty. Brenna is more of a white wine than red wine kind of person so we picked up a cheep bottle of some white wine, that I would like to say used apples… cheap and juicy. The only drinking items I brought with me back to Seattle were tea cups, so once again it was alcohol in tea cups. Should probably play some Babyshambles, but should also probably buy a bottle of gin.

Going through old photos.. I’m not sure but I think that this might be from before my nose was crooked. One of those concerts I still bring up on occasion; The (International) Noise Conspiracy in the basement of the Shrine. Circa 2004.

Went out tonight to Beth’s to celebrate Caleb getting a job at the Mayflower hotel. He had never been there, so I thought that it could be fitting to expose him to some Seattle staples. This Saturday his housemates are having a kegger of only 40-50 of their closest friends, so I have invited Caleb over to have a nice dinner and crash at my place. Oh frat boys.